A (Daily) Blog

Because my next “Daily” post will be my hundredth, I’m not going to write until something interesting happens in my life. Until then, here’s my most recent blog post (it will probably overlap with some of my personal posts here)! 

Not Quite Adjusted Yet, Major/Minor Stress

Dorm life has been, so far, great! As I’ve mentioned in my previous posts, my roommate and I get along really well, we love our RA, and our housemates are very social (even though I’m quite shy and awkward haha). And although I’m not home sick, Halloween has brought with it a nostalgic yearning to be living back in Bayonne.

Even though I’m 19 years old, I’m not ashamed to admit—on a public forum—that I still enjoy Halloween. And I don’t mean college’s version of it (no need for explanation), but a traditional holiday experience, which includes my brother and I fogging up the porch, turning on the strobe light, and scaring—or in his case, chasing—trick or treaters. At college, the good fun of Halloween has been replaced and sullied by “just another party night,” but with cheap costumes. Needless to say, I expected the change. But as someone who usually spends this holiday watching Hocus Pocus or Halloweentown with his family, “Halloweekend” has left me strangely lonely. 

And being sick hasn’t helped, either. 

At least this is the only holiday during which I’ll be longing for home! Thanksgiving and Christmas break are slowly approaching!

On a lighter note, I completed short, and very temporary list of things that I think will be interesting to study, and perhaps major or minor in (notice how many conditions are in that sentence!): 

• English, with a concentration in creative nonfiction
• European Studies
• Journalism and Media Studies 
• Italian 
• Comparative Literature

If any of you have any experience with any of the above areas of study, please message me! I am completely unaware of what I want major in! And although I’m aware that I have a lot of time to declare (rhymes!), I’d much rather figure it out now, so I can spend more time in the future taking advanced, 400 level classes and seminars and gaining a complete and well-rounded understanding of the subject.

Wouldn’t it be great if there existed a quiz that can lead you in the right direction? 

I’ll leave you with a picture of my dog, Roxy—a most spirited Scarlet Knight!

-Ryan Feuer, 11/1/11

From my student blog!  

A “Pninian Dilemma” 

Hello! Sorry for the inactivity—I usually post Sunday night, but with exams and such, I didn’t have the time. It’s Wednesday now, and I’m glad I waited. Man, what it week it’s been…

I’ve noticed that in almost all of my posts, I mentioned my First Year Interest Group: Exploring English Literature (I suggest you all take advantage of RU seminars). This week’s reading was an excerpt from Pnin, a novel by Vladimir Nabokov. Basically, the first chapter tells of a Russian professor’s (Timofey Pnin) experiences in America, and his struggle to make an important appointment (he boarded the wrong train, lost his briefcase, carried around an expired bus schedule, etc.) Through broken English and awkward mannerisms, Pnin was a stereotypical foreigner in America—he was implicitly made fun of, for example. I’m writing this because I can relate to poor Pnin, and I’m sure most of my fellow freshman can, too. My “Pninian Dilemma” involves (or should I say “involved,” because it’s not so obvious now) myself awkwardly traipsing throughout Rutgers, visibly confused and hesitant about almost everything. Oh, and my giant book bag can add to that image. The first instance in which I was clearly a “Freshman” occured in the library—I wasn’t sure how to print, and only after I attracted a few pitiful glances did the librarian reluctantly (and impatiently) teach me how to do such a simple task. The next incidents are of me struggling to open my mailbox, running to catch a bus (which is difficult with a heavy, swinging book bag), and searching for the conveyor belt for my tray in Brower Commons. I take it back—the fact that I’m a first-year is totally obvious, even after almost two months time to adjust. 

Let’s go back a few days, on Friday, my birthday. Usually, I’d have to wake up and shuffle over to Expos, but instead, my Byrne Seminar: “What is Culture?” travelled to New York City to visit the American Museum of Natural History and the Metropolitan Museum of Art. There, we examined the different presentations of exhibits with a concentration on Native Americans (a natural history musuem’s display vs. a fine art museum’s). It was interesting, taking such a technical approach rather than the usual “stop, state, and onto the next exhibit” manner. But, the highlight of the trip was not our tours, Central Park, or the the Nuts 4 Nuts—it was on the second-floor of the American Wing’s “White House” style exhibit. I’m pretty sure I was in a public archive, but it didn’t matter. After wandering around, I came across an aisle (the room was like a supermarket of items, with everything lined up in glass cases in aisles) full of paintings of the sea. Of course, they were breathtaking, and my affinity with nautical art was reflected in my wide, enthralled eyes (I regret not taking a picture). The beauty and power of the sea just has this affect on me that I can’t explain; it’s like another world. 

Unfortunately, the clock was ticking on our moment of “free time,” so I had to cut my wanderings short. Overall, it was a successful and enlightening trip to the city. 

I forgot to mention: Thursday night, around 12AM (technically Friday) my roommate and our friends surprised me with a cake for my birthday; I cannot express grateful I was, or how thankful I am that I’ve met such great people at Rutgers. 

It’s my birthday! 

I can’t believe how quickly this year went by. It seems like just yesterday I was working on The Christmas Carol, heading to Loyola, receiving Mary’s UChicago shirt in the mail…

The acceleration of time is scary; how does it slip by without us noticing? Sometimes I wish I can stop it in its tracks—to preserve the here and now—or be able to revisit events in my life, because frankly, I don’t want to grow up. I understand that it’s inevitable, but why does the future have to creep up on us? I miss the days where I can spend my October weeknights watching Halloweentown or Hocus Pocus. Don’t get me wrong—I love college. The friends that I made are fantastic (last night they bought me a cake!), the workload isn’t that bad, and the freedom is great. But, I miss being a kid. I miss not having responsibilities, I miss the comfort of my home, and I miss those nights where I can put off Hamlet and read The Hunger Games or Percy Jackson instead. 

I don’t want to lament over the past. Supposedly, my college years will be the best of my life, given they have a lot to live up to.

Alright, here’s what happened today: For my freshman seminar (“What is Culture?”) we travelled to NYC to visit the Museum of Natural History and the MET. But, instead of a tradition museum experience, we focused on the exhibits of the Northwest Coast. Most of the artifacts we observed were those of the Kwakiutal (Kwa-cute-al) and Kwakwaka’wakw (Kwalk-walk-ya-walk) Indians. We also studied how a natural history and fine arts museums present their displays. I’m not a huge fan of Native Americans; for whatever reason, I find it boring (I think it’s because they’re not exotic enough). But, I love museums, so I had to enjoy myself. Moreover, it’s NYC—if you’re miserable there, then you have a problem.

After, I came back to my room and slept for profane amount of time, especially for a Friday, and on my birthday. Now I’m just chilling in my room, watching The Walking Dead, and excited to see my friends at home tomorrow. Successful 19th birthday? I think so! Thankfully I’m easy to please. 

-Ryan Feuer, 10/21/11

In one of my earlier posts, I mentioned that I was in the midst of some existential crisis; my time at Rutgers University has not cured me. To be thrust into such a large, diverse environment was—and still is—very frightening. Yes, there’s so much room to grow; but where? Up? Down? Why does it even have to be on a one-dimensional plane?! I starting to ramble (thankfully I caught it early)…basically, I can’t shake this feeling that I’m insignificant. For some reason, my peers seem absolutely brilliant and goal driven, and I’m utterly confused, in every sense of the word. 

Of course, that isn’t the case, and I shouldn’t compare myself to anyone (it’s like a sickness). But that doesn’t solve my problem—what makes me different? What do I excel in?

On that note, I’ll go to bed. Sorry for the short post. 

-Ryan Feuer, 10/18/11

Almost at 100! Here’s my most recent Rutgers Blogger post, titled “The Stereotypical College Weekend.” (This post probably overlaps with the last two posts on my personal blog (this one!):

Hello again! It seems like it was just yesterday that I was writing my second post. Time flies when you’re at college; I can’t believe it’s almost been two months! This week has been, on the whole, the same. Class, work, food, sleep. Repeat. On most days, I have to sacrifice food for sleep, or vice-versa. The woes of college life! 

As much as I’m inclined to tell you about my week, day by day, I won’t. What’s point? Who cares about what classes I went to, what I learned, etc. I don’t even care. I will, however, write about one academic assignment that I enjoyed. For my FIG, we were assigned to read Man in the Dark by Paul Auster. I don’t want to give away a lot; just enough to convince you to pick up this charming, 180 page novella. 

Basically, the novel is about an old, wheelchair-bound author/journalist named August Brill, who is trying to counter his insomnia by telling himself a story. Unknowingly, the story he creates manifests into another world, with real people, real death, etc. The setting is America in 2006 (I believe), but instead of participating in the war in the Middle-East (which doesn’t even exist), we are in a very violent civil war. The protagonist of this story is assigned to kill Brill, or “The Creator,” to end his influence on their lives. What’s interesting, though, are the parallels between Brill’s life and the story he created; both himself and the protagonist share secrets of infidelity, thoughts of suicide, feelings of regret, and much more.

In very plain language, Auster writes of the immediacy of life and the immutability of the past. It sounds a bit depressing, especially after Brill recounts the story of how he met, cheated on, rekindled with, and watched the death of his wife, but the novel ends on a high note—the future, he realizes, has the potential to create happier memories. I may have give the crux of the novel away, but it doesn’t matter; Man in the Dark is one of those books where the plot line, though good, is not what the reader takes away. It’s the message that’s important, and can be interpreted differently by everyone. I’ve also said that a good book assigned by a teacher is a gift from God. 

Enough with books. On Friday, I went to my first college party! I’m not sure if I should write about this in detail, so I won’t. BUT, parties are a timeless, “coming of age” experience for new students. Just remember to be safe! My friends and I actually abandoned the first place we went to, because I suspected a cave-in was imminent. 

On Saturday, I went to the Homecoming game (of course)! Despite the chilly winds—harbingers of a cold winter, I think—it was a lot of fun. If you’re looking for a spirited school, Rutgers has tons of it! At the bottom of this post I’ll upload a picture of the stadium/the Red Sea. I thought I was in the perfect place to snap a photo.

Sunday has been, in every sense of the word, the Sabbath (I’m not particularly religious, though). I woke up at an ungodly hour, ate to my heart’s content, did minimal homework, and treated myself to Season 1 of the Walking Dead. Yes, I’m lazy. No, I don’t want to change my habits. The woes joys of college life!

-Ryan Feuer, 10/16/11

After my only class of the day and work, I napped. Yes—I spent a majority of my Friday evening asleep, and I’m not ashamed. I believe napping is a healthy habit!

Around 10:30 that night, Andrea picked me and we headed over to her dorm. There, I caught up with some of my high-school friends who now attend TCNJ, and were staying the night at Rutgers. It was really great seeing them, especially Lindsay, because we get along so well (at least I think we do!). Then we went to a party—yes, I went to my first college party. It was so much fun; the trick was to ignore the people dry humping behind me. If I was any closer, it would’ve been a threesome.

Today (Saturday) was, for the most part, good. My roommate and I went to the homecoming game (we won, of course), then back to the dorm to catch up on homework. By the way—I finished Man in the Dark! Although the exciting plot/imagined story abruptly ended, the novel was just as—if not more—interesting. The old man told the story of how he met his wife, their divorce, their rekindling…I can’t give this book justice, so just check it out!

Because I read so much today, I treated myself to movie. You can’t go wrong with “Heavyweights!” Good night!

-Ryan Feuer, 10/15/11

I havent posted in a while, and I predict this is going to be very brief. Sorry!

If you haven’t already realized, this week has been hectic! I’ve had a lot of reading for my seminar and modern Lit class, an Expos essay due, and work! It doesn’t sound like a lot—and now that I think about it, it wasn’t. I was blessed enough to be assigned two very interesting books (A Man in the Dark and A Canticle of Leibowitz), and if I started the Expo essay earlier (which I failed to do), it would have been cake! Long story short, I really need to sort out my priorities. It isn’t high school anymore.

BUT, it’s Friday! I’ve gotten some work done at work (a first!), and now I’m about to settle down for a much needed, but not deserved, nap. But first let me explain the nature of the two books, just in case you’re searching for a good read:

A Man in the Dark, by Paul Auster, is—so far—a novella about an old man who has unknowingly created another world inside his head. A story he’s been telling himself (to get to sleep) has manifested into a reality. The protagonist of this story, Owen Brick, has been assigned to kill the old man in the hopes of ending his influence on the people of that new world. I can’t wait to discover if he fulfills his task! A Man in the Dark is very similar to Sophie’s World, If on a winter’s night a traveler, and—because the structure is divided between the old man’s world and Bricks—Water for Elephants. 

A Canticle for Leibowitz paints a vision of a post-apocolyptic future, where society has rejected man’s scientific knowledge, which caused the Flame Deluge (nuclear war). But a group of monks have strived to preserve this knowledge, through recording very old textbooks. I was only assigned the first part—the second part is, I believe, about the construction of a more modern society. The author’s message (Walter Miller) is, basically, that history repeats itself (humanity, civilization, Apocalypse…humanity, civilization, Apocalypse).

For some reason I’m not so proud of today’s post. Hopefully tomorrow’s will be much more interesting! 

-Ryan Feuer, 10/14/11

It’s great having two blogs! Here’s my second post for Rutgers!: -Ryan Feuer, 10/9/11

Hello again! It’s been a week since we last met—I hope yours went well! I’m sorry to report that nothing interesting happened to me…sometimes I wish something would happen to spice up my life—and my posts. Perhaps I can be the hero of an dorm fire, or overcome a rather large, weaponed theif? It’s tragic, yes, but it also makes for good writing. :)

On Monday, the instructor for my First Year Interest Group (Exploring English Literature) brought in a few English majors to talk to us about the field. It was a little bit overwhelming—all of them seemed brilliant and truly in love with the English language. As I’ve said before, I’m undecided; but English is on the top of my list. But, I’m not very worldly in my reading interests. Sorry all, but I’m no fan of Shakespeare—reading Hamlet was too much of a work-out. I’d much rather breeze though a novel. With that being said, I’m a fan of modern lit. But still, the picky-ness doesn’t end there. With such a close-mindedness regarding literature, should I even consider majoring in the subject? All of this was going through my head while the panel was speaking. But then, one of the speakers—Nadia was her name, I think—mentioned that Rutgers offers courses in creative nonfiction. It was like a lightbulb clicked inside my confused head! 

Basically, creative nonfiction is a category of writing that deals with blogging, travel writing, journalism, etc. Imagine that…getting paid to blog! I’d much rather travel write, though. Send me around the world and I’ll gladly document my experiences! That’s the life! Maybe I can publish a book of my memoirs? 

Before I start getting out of hand with my dreams, notice how vast Rutgers’ academic spectrum is! One can’t just major in English—there are several concentrations, each wholly unique. Your choices are infinite! 

The rest of my week was, I think, normal. Stressing over Expos, preparing for exams, wondering what the beautiful Livingston Dining Commons will serve for dinner…sorry, but I have a horrible memory (which is not a good asset for an aspriing travel writer; I think I’m going to begin carrying around a little notepad to document the high and low points of my day. Just call me Harriet the Spy).

On Friday, I went home to celebrate Yom Kippur (my dad’s family is Jewish) and my grandma’s birthday (82, if you’re wondering). And that reminds me—another reason why Rutgers is great, at least for me, is because I’m only a forty minute drive away. If I was ever missing my seven month old bulldog (and my parents too, I guess…)—which I was this week especially—I can easily make it back home. But not all of the Scarlet Knights leave the Rut; there is a sizable population that stay behind and enjoy the thrill of the weekend. Just take a stroll down College Ave next Saturday night (but not alone) and head over to the Grease Trucks. If you’re lucky, you may get to catch a snippet or two of the preacher’s sermon. Dinner and show! 

But on Friday I did neither. After class and work, I met up with my friend Emily (who’s also a Rutgers Blogger—check her out!) and headed over to the RSC for our first meeting. After roaming around the building for about twenty minutes (I can now probably navigate through it blindfolded), we finally found Lee. Luckily I emailed her and asked where she was, exactly. But even more luckly, the email ended with “sent from my iPad.” We quickly found her in the cafetria—if the iPad wasn’t enough of a giveaway, the pile of shirts to her right was. We discussed our objectives, our purpose, our reason for doing this, etc. Essentially, the Lovely Lee wants us to find our “voice.” The freedom to write (mostly) whatever you want is perhaps the main reason why I love blogging; I’m not restrained by a question, or an answer, or a purpose—I can just write to my heart’s content! 

Presently, I’m back at school, sitting on my bed, being blinded by the intense light my laptop. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. This, I think, is how to blog. In the middle of the night, alone, without the distractions of all the bodies surrounding you—the perfect atmosophere to remember and reflect. Wait, did I just say bodies? That sounded especially creepy. I mean living bodies. Not dead ones. No no, that’s weird. And illegal. 

On the note of implying that I’m a serial killer, I must bid you all goodnight. Ciao! 

-Ryan Feuer, 10/9/11

The following is a blog post I had to write for my “What is Culture” seminar. Can you relate?: 

Firstly, let me start off by noting that it is currently 2:22AM. I don’t know why I decided to blog at this hour; perhaps I’m suffering from a cultural dilemma? I think that’s the case. Let me explain:

A few hours ago, I celebrated Yom Kippur with my family. I already noted in class that I wasn’t Jewish, so for the most part, I was there for the bagels and lox. But for some reason I felt woefully detached, and I expect my family to feel the same way. Who are we? When my dad picked me up from Rutgers on Friday night, I told him that for work (I’m a Student Assistant II in  African, Middle-Eastern, and South-East Asian Literature and Languages department) I had to type up a phrase in Hebrew. I thought in retrospect that I should’ve asked for his help, because he usually leads the readings during Passover. But to my surprise, he can only read Hebrew–not understand or write it. Of course, I didn’t think any less of my dad; he made his Bar Mitzvah about…thirty-three years ago? And I bet then he wasn’t even fluent. Anyway, I began to wonder that he could’ve been reading a Hebrew translation of Mein Kampf during my past eighteen Passovers, and we would’ve thought everything was fine and dandy.

But, back to my (I should now saw “our”) dilemma–who are we? It seems we’re only Jewish/Catholic/Irish on holidays…which I think is damaging to the soul. How could we have lost our cultural heritage in only four generations? I can’t blame America, despite the assimilation and globalization over that past eighty years. It’s our fault–my ancestors, both living and dead, and myself, have become so consumed and distracted with God knows what, and now we’re paying the price. At this moment in time, we’re just gray blobs in world of equally gray and equally blobby blobs.

I didn’t sign-up for this seminar to discover myself. Rather, I want to discover something else–something beyond my limited cultural capacity. By surrounding myself with such culturally sound and intact people (and maybe some like myself) I can experience something I don’t have. But more importantly, I can delight in the uniqueness of my peers, learn something new, and, if I’m lucky, create an identity for myself.  I’ll let you know how that goes in my next post.

On that note, let me close by saying the following: Professor Evans–I’m sure your wife is a lovely, intelligent woman. But I think she’s incorrect about the state of your French-ness. If you can speak their language, stomach their food, and enjoy their atmosphere, all you need now is beret and an awesome mustache!

-Ryan Feuer, 10/8/11

Will you look at that! Ninety days! I’m actually impressed that I stuck with this for so long; usually, I dedicate myself to projects (such as this), but quit after a week or two (once, I was a vegetarian for a week! Then I got scared my hair will start to fall out, so I stopped…).

Today, I didn’t wake up an hour late, so I’m glad that was only a one time thing. I was perfectly on time for class, breezed through my very unorthodox exam, and worked an extra hour! After, I met up with my new friend and fellow blogger Emily and headed over to our first meeting, which wasn’t easy to find. At least now I can navigate through the Rutgers Student Center blindfolded! 

The meeting, held in the Student Center’s center (whoa), went well, even though only a handful of the number of bloggers showed up. Our coordinator is fantastic (she seems like she’s one of those people who I’ll want to stick with for the next four years—as a friend and mentor)! We also got some sweet t-shirts that I can’t wait to wear with pride! 

I thought it was a little bit funny that the RU Italian Club was giving out sausage sandwiches today. It was, literally, a sausage fest! Hahaha oh God I’m so lame.

That’s all for now, folks! Time to sleep in my own bed! 

-Ryan Feuer, 10/7/11